wings4youcoaching

Weekly Wings Challenge 16 - Coach Thyself

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Weekly Wings... a weekly coaching challenge to motivate and inspire you to realize your dreams and achieve success! Join in the journey, and if you wish to share your work, post it on your blog, and then leave a static link to the exact page in the comments section.

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Who's Your Biggest Critic?

Human beings have an inalienable right to invent themselves - Germaine Greer

Big dreams are the fuel of personal growth and progress.  Yet so many people choose to think within the box - a limited space that's been created either by their fears or by their belief that it isn't possible to be live their lives bigger or better.  The result?  Instead of embracing the energy of change, they resign themselves to the frustration that comes with stagnation.

Often what keeps us in our place is that inner voice that becomes louder and more insistent in proportion to the grandeur of our dreams. Although this voice goes by many names - The Saboteur, The Gremlin, The Inner Critic, The Judge, and so on - it is always ready to dish out judgment, rules, and limiting beliefs just as we are about to step out and take a personal risk to achieve change and fulfillment.  The voice usually says things like...

You can't...
You should...
You shouldn't...
You're too.....
It's too late...
You don't have the time...
Maybe someday....

...and as we listen, our confidence and resolve begins to disappear.  Then, instead of designing and manifesting the life we want, we retreat, never to know the joy that comes from following our bliss. 

Giving Voice to your Destiny

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. - Patrick Overton

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the power of words and the importance of replacing negative messages with positive affirmations.  Your challenge this week is to continue that process by identifying and neutralizing the inner voice (which I will refer to as the saboteur) that holds you back whenever you want to step out and think big.

• The first step in this neutralization process is to simply be aware and notice when your saboteur starts to speak.  What is the situation?  Is there a pattern to its appearances?

• Once you've developed an awareness of your saboteur's patterns, give it an identity.  Have fun with this - give it a name and a personality, and create a visual image of it.  By bringing your saboteur out of hiding and giving it an identity, it begins to lose its power to cause you fear and stall your actions.  The more vivid and humorous your image is, the more easily you will be able to deal with what your saboteur says.

• Understand that your saboteur's motives are to protect you from pain and disappointment, but it's only one part of your being that is playing the role of the over-protective parent.  Tune into the other voices that are speaking and hear what they say, always making sure you listen for messages that are aligned with your personal core values.

• Finally, develop an inner coach to dialogue with the saboteur.  Take a piece of paper, fold it in half lengthwise, and on the left side make a list of the most common statements your saboteur makes whenever you decide to try something new.  Then, for each negative statement, write a response that comes from your other, positive voices.  Give these affirmative statements to your inner coach to use whenever your saboteur shows up with negative messages.  Your coach will speak  powerfully from the authority of your values and counter the nay-saying of your inner critic.

Wrapping it Up

If you can dream it, you can do it. ~Walt Disney

Learning to recognize your saboteur and developing a strategy to enlist the support of your inner coach is an important tool for your personal growth. Once you understand that you can choose your thoughts, you can start to think big and take action on those thoughts.  You can look at your dreams and have the confidence to follow them.

Namaste,

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I am pleased to announce that my website, Wings 4 You Coaching is up and running!  Please visit to learn about my individual and group coaching programs as well as upcoming group coaching workshops.

If you would like to be listed as a Weekly Wings participant, please leave your link information in the comments section below. Indicate as well, if you wish to be included on my mailing list. Thank you!

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Weekly Wings Challenge 13 - Word Power

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Weekly Wings... a weekly coaching challenge to motivate and inspire you to realize your dreams and achieve success! Join in the journey, and if you wish to share your work, post it on your blog, and then leave a static link to the exact page in the comments section.

______________________________________________________________________

The Power of Words

Most of us know the benefits of using affirmations to focus our energy on the positive things we want to attract into our lives. Used along with creative visualization, strong desire, faith and persistence, affirmations have the power to take hold of our subconscious minds and channel our energy towards our goals.

But what happens when our minds are confused by repeated negative messages?  When you let your mind circle around worries, fears, and anger, your subconscious takes those negative messages as seriously as it takes affirming messages.  The same thing happens when you habitually use negative, deprecating language about yourself and the situations that surround you, even in a light-hearted or ironic manner.  Your subconscious mind can't take a joke!  It takes your words and thoughts literally and works hard to align them with reality.

You Are What You Say

Words can build you up or knock you down.  The way you choose to use your words determines whether they will bring positive or negative results.

• Take an inventory of the negative things you say out loud or to yourself, even if you don't really mean them.  Statements that begin with "I can't" or " I would never" might be a good place to start.  Pay attention as well to the ways in which you insult yourself - "I'm so clumsy, " "I'm not very creative," and so on.  Even non-committal language like "I'll try" falls into the category of negative messaging.

• Start consciously eliminating and replacing those negative statements with affirmations, phrased in positive language.  Affirm in the present tense:  "I am healthy, strong and happy."

• Repeat your affirmations frequently throughout the day, taking a few moments to relax and focus your mind on your positive messages.  You may say them out loud or to yourself. The stronger your concentration and belief in the process is, the faster you will achieve results.

• Be patient!  Negative self-talk is a habit, and habits take time to change.  The secret lies in conscious awareness, genuine intention, and consistent work.  Be firm and aware using this process until it becomes internalized.

Wrapping it Up

You can start the process of change in this moment by simply changing your language.  Instead of bombarding your subconscious with negative messages, choose positive affirmations to exercise control over your life.  Using strong, positive, and inspiring affirmations creates belief and energy that will lead you to the life you truly want.

Namaste,

 

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If you would like to be listed as a Weekly Wings participant, please leave your link information in the comments section below. Indicate as well, if you wish to be included on my mailing list. Thank you!

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Your Esteemed Self

Self of Steam

Among the many perks I’ve enjoyed during my teaching career has been the opportunity to learn a variety of creative spellings and versions for all kinds of words and expressions, with my all-time favorite being the use of self-of-steam instead of self- esteem. The first time I encountered this oronym in a paper, it only took me a moment to figure out what the writer had meant to say. Over the years, as I continued to receive many papers with exactly the same oronym, I started thinking about how self-of-steam and self-esteem are related by more than just similar sounds.

Dr. Maslow in the House

Abraham Maslow (1908 - 1970) was an American humanistic psychologist who is most well known for his theory of the hierarchy of human needs. According to Maslow, there are five levels of needs that start with the most basic physical and safety needs that must be met before striving to meet the higher-level needs of belongingness, esteem, and self-actualization.

Esteem can be derived from others in the form of "respect, fame, glory, recognition, attention, reputation, appreciation, dignity, and even dominance," or from oneself in the form of "self-respect, confidence, competence, achievement, mastery, independence, and freedom" (Boeree).  With this in mind, it's clear that the highest level of esteem comes from within and has a more authentic basis - the individual's acknowledgment of his or her strengths and accomplishments.

Beyond Hot Air

And that brings me to the difference between self-of-steam and self-esteem. If you endlessly crave approval and validation from others, measuring your personal worth through the perception of those around you without balancing their perception against your own, you are building a weak foundation for your esteem. And, interestingly, it seems like the more you get, the more you need! As soon as the validation stops, your esteem plummets. I think of esteem based solely on outside approval as self-of-steam - hot air that quickly dissipates.

This is not to say that the esteem of others is neither important nor necessary, but it should not be your only source of "strokes." In order to derive more valuable validation from others, learn to recognize the difference between a compliment and an acknowledgment. Very often outside validation comes in the form of a compliment - a statement that praises you in some way, but is really more about the giver than the receiver. A compliment is generally about the other person because it is phrased to express how he or she reacts in relation to you - "I enjoyed reading your report" - as opposed to an acknowledgment that focuses on the receiver - "You really know how to write an informative and interesting report." Both compliments and acknowledgments can serve a positive purpose, but an awareness of the difference can help strengthen your feelings of esteem.

The most compelling form of self-esteem occurs when you can honestly recognize and evaluate your own strengths and accomplishments and feel a true sense of self-respect and achievement. Your acknowledgment of your inner character (and who knows that character better than you!) strengthens the foundation of your self-esteem. When this foundation is clear and strong, you become closer to being free of the need for constant outside approval, and at the same time, feel free and comfortable to accept it when it comes your way.

Acknowledgments and Affirmations 

My Weekly Wings challenges provide a series of exercises to help you recognize, acknowledge, and affirm your best qualities and accomplishments. Below are some simple self-esteem exercises you can do either on their own or in addition to the challenges.

• The first step to building your self-esteem is to acknowledge your strengths and accomplishments. Start by simply brainstorming a list of the things you've accomplished, things that have made you proud of yourself.

• The next step is to recognize and list the personal qualities you have that make these accomplishments possible.

• Then, write these qualities as affirmations of who you are right now. Start each affirmation with "I" and write it in the present tense, being as specific as possible. Although affirmations are typically used to program your future success, you can also use them to positively mobilize your inner resources.

• In order to derive more valuable validation from others, learn to recognize the difference between a compliment and an acknowledgment. However, be sure to receive either a compliment or acknowledgment graciously in the same way you would receive a gift. By doing this, you accept the gift as it is given while at the same time giving the gift of your acceptance.

• Finally, share the good vibes with others!  Learn to recognize the accomplishments and positive qualities of those around you, and let them know.  A heartfelt, honest compliment or an astute, direct acknowledgment will strengthen your relationships and boost your own self esteem as you do the same for others!